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Envy. [Dec. 29th, 2007|12:16 am]
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(no subject) [Mar. 28th, 2007|03:10 pm]
i'm going to go puke now, because i HATE myself. HATE everything about me.
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(no subject) [Mar. 28th, 2007|03:08 pm]
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate MYSELF.
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yucko. [Jan. 31st, 2007|08:43 pm]
[Current Mood | sick]
[Current Music |Drive by Incubus]

well, i weighed 126.5 when i got home from school.But i probably gained a pound from all the shit i ate today. ew. it was gross. then i purged over and over again. not all of it came out. my throat hurts. vomit came out of my nose. it burned like hell. i feel wicked nauseas right now. ehh. im not doing too well. but i dont think i will be binging for a while now. that was the grossest purge i have ever had. it was so awful. and i hate myself for doing it. i excersized kind of alot today. running from my living room to my kitchen back and fourth back and fourth. situps. butt curl things on the yoga ball. dancing like a tard. haha. yeah so i hope its burning some of those cals i ate. my lips are so chapped and burning and red. and i am so thirsty even tho i've drank soo much water today. i think the purge made me dehydrated? hm. idk. but tomorrow im not eating breakfast, because lately i've been eating way too much in the morning and then i just fuck up for the rest of teh day. tomorrow is a new day. and i WILL do good.

wish me luck.

take care,
xxxx
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Starting Over. [Jan. 5th, 2007|02:43 am]
[Current Mood | anxious]

i was doing really good today, but when my mom came home i starting eating like random shit. and i binged. then we went out and i came home and had some marshmellows. but im hungryish right now so i guess i couldnt of eaten THAT much..

i really hope tomorrow i can do good.

i was just reading over my old xanga entries and it motivated me. i was reading my posts when i was like 118 lbs. i really miss it. i can do this. i know i can.

i will not be a cow anymore.
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sickness [Jan. 3rd, 2007|12:21 am]
[Current Mood | sick]

ew. i feel so gross. i binged. i FUCKING binged..

-ice cream
-reeses
-hershey kisses
-crackers & cheese
-ribbon candy
and a HUGE ass piece of double chocolate cake.
with a giant glass of milk.
i hate milk. WTF?!

i purged some of the cake in the shower. it was so disgusting. yuck
and i just did..

+ 200 jumping jax
+ 20 situps
+ 50 kicks laying down (abs)
+ 35 lunges

and im probably going to workout more. i really dont want to gain any more weight. i cant take it. its so depressing.

but actually i just weighed myself with a tank top, underwear, and pj pants on and it said i was 125.5 which probably means ill be 124 or less in teh morning. which isnt TOO horrible considering what i binged on..

well i'll see tomorrow. i hope i do better..

xx.
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i'm depressed but i don't know why.. [Jan. 2nd, 2007|05:12 pm]
[Current Mood | depressed]

I had a can of cambells chicekn noodle soup for dinner && 10 pretzels 65 + 150 + 750(earlier) = 965

10 minute jog -74

965 - 74 = 891

im not happy, like im happy about my cals being 891, but i just dont feel happy in general.

im so down.

helpppp. =[
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(no subject) [Jan. 2nd, 2007|02:50 pm]
well my calorie intake was about 530 like 20 minutes ago. BUT then i binged. on fucking carrot sticks and FF ranch dressing. i mean i only used barely 1 1/2 tbsp of the dressing (20cals) but i ate like the WHOLE package of carrot sticks. probably like 12 oz. of them. eek. thats like 160 calories. plus the dressing. 180. oh and plus half a cookie +40. so a 220 cal binge. it could of been worse, like i could of had half the box of wheat thins which would have deffinately had more than 220 cals. eeh. whatever.

i need to start eating at different times in the day. and i need to stop eating so much fucking CRAP food.

10:10-10:30AM

a couple bites of ice cream -100
yogurt -100
1/2 cookie -40
bread -120
1/2 small bagel w/ cc -150
cup of coffee w/ milk -20
total: 530

2:40-2:46PM

12 oz baby carrots -160
1 1/2 tbsp FF ranch -20
1/2 cookie -40
total: 220

complete total: 750

damn these mini binges. lol

im gunna go workout. ill update in a little bit.

xx peace out
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FATFCUK [Jan. 1st, 2007|08:03 pm]
i am such a lard ass. i ate sooooooo much today. why do i do this? i feel wicked full and i keep eating. WTF. its like my mind totally goes off of how much i want to be skinny and pretty and thin, and i just eat like crazy. i am so mad at myself. i hate myself. i really do right now. i'll probably weigh like 124 tomorrow. FUCKKKKKKK im soooooo mad =[

i hate my life.
ill be fat forever.

im not eating tomorrow.
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hola [Dec. 30th, 2006|08:37 pm]
[Current Mood | content]

todays intake:

3 scrambled eggs cooked w/ 0 cal cooking spray -210
1 piece of toast w/ 0 cal spray butter -65
apple -80
tangerine -35
small salad -80
13 small pretzels -85
stick of gum -5
crystal light -16
french bread -140
2 reeses -92
caramel kiss -22
cup of ice cream =[ -300

total: 1130 =[
ddr: -150
new total: 980 grrr.

i thought i was only going to have around 700 cals today. fuck. tomorrow im only allowing myself 700 at teh most. i can do this. i know i can. i just need to stop feeling sorry for my self and do something about my fatness.

x peace out.
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Down a pound . . [Dec. 30th, 2006|10:53 am]
[Current Mood | sleepy]

123.5 this morning :]
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on track [Dec. 29th, 2006|10:40 pm]
[Current Mood | blah]

i did good today. i haven't done this good in a while..

1/2 chocolate yogurt -100
salad w/ grilled chicken & FF ranch -430?
oatmeal cookie -100
square of cheese -37
2 egg whites -35
8 pretzels -52
stick of gum -5

total: 759

YAYYYY.

i really hope i am maybe .5 lbs lighter tomorrow morning. i need to get down to like 121 by new years.

peaceeee.

p.s- KB is mah giiirrll<3 =]
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its been a while [Dec. 28th, 2006|10:06 pm]
[Current Mood | content]

i havent been on here in such a longgg time. my computer broke and i just got a new one :] anyway.. i gained. ahh. like 3 weeks ago i was like 118. now i'm like 124! shitttt. thats 6 pounds. i hate holidays, they make you fat. damnit. i feel hungry right now, so thats a relief. i ate bad today though.

2 bowls of golden grahams
2 oatmeal cookies
1 chocolate chip cookie
1 coffee/choco stick
1 ferro recho chocolate thing
half a chocolate yogurt
an apple
some wheat thins
some pretzels
1 1/2 ginger cookies

i eat so bad. not healthy at all. i ate allll sweets. except for the wheat thins and pretzels, but those arent good for you anyway. ugh i need to get back on track! i miss waking up and stepping on the scale and being excited because i KNOW i lost a pound or two. now im always scared i GAINED a pound or two.

im starvinggggg right now. i ate so much. wtf. oh well im happy im hungry. i know im im getting somewhere.
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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2006|09:58 pm]
[Current Mood | awake]

i didnt go to school today because i was really dizzy and like nauseas this morning. i slept til 1:30 and layed in bed all day. i did eat though..

yogurt -150
2 cookies -160
yogurt -100
apple -80
small porttion of
chicken w/ potatoes, gravy, & peas -300?
slice of wheat toast with butter spray & cinnamon -45
wheaties -170
yougrt -140
carrot sticks -30


total -1175

so much better than my binge-filled weekend.
tomorrow i will do better though. i need this. i want this. 118 lbs by friday. or i'm having a breakdown.
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Haven't been on here in a while... [Dec. 8th, 2006|03:26 pm]
[Current Location |living room]
[Current Mood | cold]
[Current Music |mickey avalon]

I'm trying to stay under 1,000 cals a day. and well yesterday i binged after school. then didnt eat after 4 pm. went to bed hungry, somehow.. i dontknow why i was hungry, i ate like a fucking cow. but anyway.. so far todayy..

rice cake w/ pb
slice of whole grain bread w/ pb
[~300]

pb sandwich
yogurt
oreo 100 cal pack
[~500?]

diet pepsi
yogurt
2 egg whites
[94]

total -893

WHY AM I STARVING? I ATE SOO MUCH ALREADY!!
for dinner.. i'll either eat nothing, or.. have something like soup. i'll be at 1000 cals at most for the day. which is actually pretty good considering the week i've had..


<3 peace. love. skinny. :]
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2006|11:07 pm]
[Current Mood | depressed]

i binged again tonight. jeez. if u read every entry on here its about me BINGING! god. i fucking suck. i feel horrible. i just want to be skinny. =[
i weighed 119.5 lbs today. and i'll probably weigh 8912738913 lbs more tomorrow. wtf. i hate being depressed. im not going to school tomorrow. because im fucking fat.
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(no subject) [Nov. 6th, 2006|05:18 pm]
[Current Mood | crushed]
[Current Music |DANCCCCE IT UUUUUUUUUUP]

grrrr. i was doing so good. this morning i was finally at the weight i was before i gained 3 effing pounds. (119.5) but of course, when i got home from school.. i BINGED. MOTHER FUCKERRRRR.

so probably ate around.. 2,500 cals. UUUUUUUGH.

and my moms making chicken for dinner. now i have to explain to her that i dont feel good cuz i over-ate again. she thinks im such a weirdo. i hate this. whatever. theres no school tomorrow. im home alone.. fast? HOPEFULLY. or it might just turn into a full on binge. AGAIN. i just raelly hope i can fast tomorrow. i need to be 114 by thanksgiving!!!

ill update later.. or tomorrow.

xXxXx.
I WILL BE THIN.
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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2006|05:38 pm]
[Current Mood | sleepy]

I wish I didn't know what calories were, like how it used to be. Gosh, I swear I was happier when I was 20lbs heavier. =[
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grr. [Nov. 3rd, 2006|05:36 pm]
[Current Mood | uncomfortable]

fuck halloweennn!!

i consumed 1410 calories! because of fucking candy!!

i threw out all of the snickers and all of the butterfingers, and a reeses peanut buttercup. they all have like 100 or more cals for just one fun size bar! soo atleast i saved from self from eating those.

ugh and now its the weekend. i ALWAYS fuck it up on teh weekends. no matter how hard i try not to. i'm reallllyy going to try extra hard this weekend though. i can't deal with binging anymore. i fucking hate it.

uuuuuGHH. I HATE FUCKING FOOOOOOOD.

xxx
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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2006|05:10 pm]
[Current Mood | sick]
[Current Music |red hot chili peppers]

wow. i hate candy. i enerv want to eat another piece again. i ate sooo much of it when i got home today. and i had a candy apple then had apple pie. FUCK. i hate myself. i felt sooo sick. and then when i went to go throw up nothing came out. even when i tried to purge. FUCK THISSSS. i hate this i feel so gross right now. i've been binging forever now. i need to get on track =[

i just worked out adn burnt 504 cals, its better than nothing.

SIIIIICKNESSSSSSSS. =[
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